Episode 2.2
Valentine’s Day is here again—the hearts, flowers, candlelight dinners, and grand gestures plastered all over Instagram. Let’s be honest, a lot of this is driven by the hope of romance and sex. But from what I’ve seen with clients, friends, and even in my own life, it often leads to pressure, obligation, and the feeling that we’re failing to live up to some rom-com ideal. So, can we ditch the once-a-year pressure and figure out how to weave romance into our lives every single day?
At the end of the day, we all crave love. We want to feel loved. Deep down, it’s about connection and validation—feeling seen and heard, not just for the polished, perfect parts of ourselves, but for the messy, flawed bits we desperately hide, fearing they’ll make us unlovable.
In this podcast, Dr. Alisa shares several time-tested and “lab-tested” ways to cultivate real romance and deepen your relationships. These are for EVERY DAY, you absolutely don’t need a holiday as an excuse for romance.
Radical Vulnerability:
36 Questions to Fall in Love (New York Times):
https://36questionsinlove.com
The core idea is that mutual vulnerability creates closeness. As the study’s authors put it, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.”
The Small Things That Add Up to Lasting Love:
Gottman Love Lab – Accepting Your Partner’s Bids:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
John and Julie Gottman can predict with 94% accuracy whether a marriage will last, simply by observing couples for 15 minutes. One of the biggest factors? How often a couple “turns toward” their partner instead of “turning away.”
“Turning toward” means accepting “bids for connection.”
We can do this by saying YES, showing interest, having curiosity to learn more.
Examples of bids to accept:
When your partner calls your name from another room
When your partner says, “This is an interesting __ I’m reading”
When your partner suggests something they’d like to do, “I’d love to see this concert.”
Learn to Speak Your Partner’s Love Language:
Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Gifts
You can take the quiz here (although there’s a cost for a full report)
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
The secret is learning their language, not just speaking your own. Can you give a “gift” based on your partner’s love language, not what you would want? Be creative! Listen to the podcast for some ideas!
Or, better yet, share this bid for connection with your partner and listen (and learn) together! 💕
Thank you for being here.